Did Kevin Durant Fart Sniff His Way To An NBA Title? My Column:

I remember the first time I ever watched Kevin Durant play at Texas. Not really, because it was 10 years ago so it’s hard to remember an exact game, but I totally remember that season as a whole. I remember watching this tall, lanky looking freshman score effortlessly, while also racking up pretty legit rebounding numbers, and thinking about good he could end up being in the league.

But something was always off about him; something I don’t think anyone could put a finger on. Yeah, he was good at basketball, and had a very bright future ahead of him, but deep down it always seemed like Kevin was hiding something, like he had a dark secret buried within.

Well folks, we found out his secret this week.

Kevin Durant likes when girls fart in his face. Her words not mine. I heard that shit and my mind just started to spin. What? I have so many questions. Why would he want someone to do that? Is he immune to pink-eye? It’s just so bananas!!!

Apparently this chick heard from one of the “hoes” that KD screwed in Oklahoma City while he was still playing for the Thunder that he likes his girl with a little extra gas to sniff. He likes farts. Is that weird? Yeah I think so, but who am I to say?

The more I thought about this, the more I began to realize something very special. Kevin Durant loves farts, but his itch could not be scratched in OKC. Sure, he clearly had a few girls who were down to blow off a little steam in his mouth, but I can’t imagine he had an EASY time enjoying his favorite pass time. Girls are classy in Oklahoma. They like anal, and other fancy stuff like that. Farting in dudes faces? I just don’t Kevin ever felt fully comfortable with himself there.

Then he ends up on the Golden State Warriors, playing in Oakland. I don’t know much about the west coast, but from what i’ve heard in Snoop Dogg songs and other stuff like that, it’s probably got a lot more girls looking for someone to fart on. Just seems logical. So KD gets there and wins a championship his first year, after failing to his whole career in OKC? Something smells fishy here.

Playing for Golden State, Kevin Durant had access to all sorts of farts. Whatever his nose desired. For KD, fart sniffing equals success. The secret to KD’s success was right in front of us all along. It slipped right under our noses.

Is he happy that his secret was leaked to the mainstream media, people like myself, and others? Hard to say, but I am in confident in saying that Kevin Durant has found happiness in his new town, and that smells great to me.


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