Stay Woke Alert: Praying Mantis

Browsing the interweb today whilst watching some Click (Adam Sandler’s last good movie aside from the last 10 minutes of That’s My Boy) and I stumbled across¬†this shit.¬†Fucking bugs eating birds? Nope. I don’t like it.

I feel like I’m pretty in touch with nature; I spend a lot of time outdoors in the woods hunting animals and just looking at nature and fishing and stuff, so it’s rare that I read something that really gets to me, but this just did it. I don’t like spiders. I don’t like the way they crawl around with all their legs like their better than everything, and make their stupid webs so that you have to walk through them and get spider web all over your face. Overall they just freak me out.

If I see a spider, I kill it. End of story. I know praying mantises (Manti?) aren’t spiders, but the point is their are some bugs that just suck. I always thought I was down with the mantis gang, but I didn’t know they were out here just eating birds. That changes everything. Legit, we got praying mantises out here straight up stalking hummingbirds, grabbing them by the throat with their weird mantis arms, and slowly eating their heads. Hiding on hummingbird feeders, waiting for their prey to get close enough, and then eating the shit out of them! Are you kidding me?

It’s not the brutal murder aspect of this that has me shook, it’s just the fact that they’re even capable of this carnage. It just doesn’t seem good to me. I don’t wanna live in a world where bugs eat birds and we just accept it. What eats a praying mantis? I can’t think of anything and based on what I know about evolution from science class and the bible that means they are just gonna keep growing and growing until they’re big enough to eat humans too, and then we’re all doomed.

Little quick side note, are they called praying mantis because they prey on so much shit? Like I know they spell it differently, but I bet the guy who came up with that was all jacked up when he thought of that punny name. Probably went back to his lab and started chirping about his new discovery and it’s clever name, getting all the science chicks all hot in their lab coats. I’m pretty sure this is what being a scientist is like.

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