Flamingos: An Underrated Bird, But Not Tough.

(CNN) Three kids snuck into the flamingo enclosure at a Czech zoo and attacked a colony of the terrified birds with baseball-sized rocks.

They killed a male flamingo and injured another, zoo officials said.

“It’s a shame because the flamingos can grow very old,” said Martin Malac, a spokesman for the Jihlava Zoo, told CNN. “They live 30 to 40 years normally. Flamingos in captive breeding can live 70 or 80 years.”

The incident took place last week when the children — ages 5, 6 and 8 — broke into the Jihlava Zoo, located about 80 miles south of Prague.

The zoo maintenance crew ran to check on the birds when they heard strange noises from inside the enclosure, Malac said.

Officers later caught the children running from the zoo.

Malac didn’t know if they were charged, saying he’s left the matter in the hands of police.

The male flamingo had a mate and 8 small chicks. He was 16 years old.

The injured flamingo is being treated.

The attack was a “big stress” to the group because “it was before mating season,” Malac said.

The damage is estimated to be around $1,985.


Let’s get right into this. Fuck these little ass kids, with their rock throwing, flamingo injuring asses. I’m fed up over this. Flamingos are dope. They are pink. They have long legs and they stand around in shallow water in huge groups and then sometimes the whole group decides to fly places and they do that. I watch a lot of nature shows at night and also during the day and when flamingos make an appearance I’m always like, “Damn, those are cool looking birds!” I would even call them underrated. They don’t get a ton of love like your eagles and falcons and chickens and turkeys of the world because they don’t kill shit or taste good, but that shouldn’t matter. Being a cool bird shouldn’t be about whether you kill shit or taste good, it should be about if you LOOK good, just like everything else in life. Take the Kardashian girls for example. Do they fly around really high in the sky using their incredible vision to scope out prey, then dive out of the sky at speeds exceeding 200 MPH? Nope. Can you fry them up and melt mozzarella cheese on them and cover them in tomato sauce and call it chicken parm? Well, It’s hard to say, but they are also not birds. My point here is that the flamingo might not be the most “functional” bird, or the “deadliest”, or even the “tastiest”. But what they lack in function and ability to do cool things and taste, they make up for by being pink and strutting around with their vaguely sexual figure all day, making weird noises. They may only bring one thing to the table, but that one thing is raw fucking beauty. If that’s enough for Kim Kardashian to make millions and become an international celebrity, it should be enough for flamingos to get some goddamn respeck on their name.

That being said, someone should put a word in with the flamingo community that getting killed by a little kid throwing a rock is not the best look, especially if you’re looking for some street cred in the bird community. I’m a big raptor guy, so I know a thing or two about birds with street cred, and since we’ve already established that flamingos ain’t killin shit or getting turned into delicious sandwiches, one could make the argument it wouldn’t hurt for them to not get killed every time some little Czech punk ass toddler comes around throwing stones. Shout out to the one flamingo that survived this attack. Mating season is approaching and there’s nothing that gets that flamingo pussy moist like a bad boy flamingo, limping through the water with his [not dead] head held high.


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